Wednesday, November 21, 2012

My Scary Truth

     I've written a book.  There is a title, a beginning, a middle, and an end.  There is rise.  There is fall.  It's comedic.  It's dramatic.  Really...shouldn't that be enough?  
     When I first started writing it years ago, I assumed the aforementioned would, indeed, be enough.  I envisioned a copy on my bookshelf, three reserved copies for my kids (especially my twin daughters),  and perhaps a few special copies to share with those who have loved me most and supported me through this process.  I never wrote it with the intention of selling it.  I wrote it to document our story of survival through the early years of parenting.
     But then...
     Then people started to read it.  Then people started to like it.  Then people started to make me wonder: "What if?"  
     And this is the space in which I am currently stuck.  Because in order to publish a successful book in this day and age, you have to be much more than a writer.  You have to be tech-savvy enough to build a website...which I am not.  You have to be artistic enough to create a book that will be judged based on its cover...which I am not.  You have to be comfortable promoting yourself...which I am not. 
     So the first step I am taking to get unstuck is this blog, which is necessary to establish my platform audience.  But with this step comes an unbelievable amount of self-doubt.  Who is going to care what I have to say?  Who is going to get tired of hearing my opinions?  Whose once favorable impression of me will change because I am now seeking attention?  I'm usually a pretty confident woman.  But this blog replaces my confidence with insecurities.  
     Yet I'm going to continue on.  I'm going to give it my best shot.  Because what if I could make a go of my writing?  What if I could make a living doing what I love to do?  What if the words I have to offer could help people?  What if my kids could see me work hard enough to make my dream come true?  What if I could show my daughters that being a working mom is cool, too?
     So here I am.  This is me.  Scared to death to post this blog that exposes my truest feelings on the matter.  And yet I will take a deep breath, close my eyes tight, and ignore the pounding of my heart as I push Publish.

5 comments:

Toni Bennett said...

I care what you have to say. Keep writing! I still have one of your early drafts of your book saved on my computer - can't wait to read the published version!

Christy said...

You are brave, my friend. Proud of you!

Brady said...

Keep writing!

Brady said...

Keep writing!

Allison said...

I like your blog. Thanks for sharing.