It's Sunday morning. I'm trying to relax. But I'm not succeeding. Craig is out of town hunting, and I've been on full time parenting duty since Thursday. The kids and I have had a great time so far. But already I can tell today is going to be different.
Gabe just made himself some hot chocolate, but forgot to put his cup under the Keurig dispenser. As my pre-coffee grumpiness was threatening to flare, I noticed there were two cups amongst the mess on the counter. When I asked him why, he told me he was going to surprise me with a cup of coffee. Of course he was. His dad is out of town. His dad usually delivers my weekend coffee to me. He was trying to take care of me like Daddy does. My temper was tamed.
Until I opened the door to let Tucker out and was nearly deafened by the sound of our house alarm. I had gotten out of bed to set it the night before as I always do when I remember Craig isn't home to protect us. But Craig is the person who turns the alarm off in the morning. It's one of those little jobs he does that I rarely even notice, but appreciate greatly. So for the second morning in three days, I was on the phone with the alarm company apologizing for my absent-mindedness.
And now the kids are blaring our favorite band over the house speaker. Ordinarily, this would delight me. Their loud, out of tune voices and desecration of the lyrics would usually make me chuckle, not cringe. But I'm tired and crabby, and it's all my fault.
When Craig is away, I stay up too late watching movies that I select with the intention of crying. I'm not sad or depressed, but my favorite kind of movies are the ones that move me deeply. It's not that Craig won't watch these same movies with me, because he will. And often times, he's cries earlier and harder than myself. But he doesn't agree that it feels good. So when he's away, I take pleasure in my tears because I know no one is going to complain after they've been shed.
As I watch my movies, I drink too much wine. Because without it, I have a hard time falling asleep when my husband isn't lying beside me. But then I kick myself in the morning when my early birds arise, and I'm the only one home to take care of them. A cloudy wine headache is not conducive to parenting three perky and energetic young children, that's for sure.
So today is going to be different. When I'm tempted to blame my kids, I will remember this blog and blame myself. And when Craig walks through the door, I'm going to be really happy to see him.